Light My Fire
by Yugure
Summary: Some people say that paybacks are heck. In this case… well, I’ll let you decide. AUZL
1. Get Wild

**Title: **Light My Fire

**Author:** Yugure

**Genre: **Humor/Romance – Z/L

**Rated:** **PG-13**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Slayers or the characters. I don't own the song "Light My Fire" or "Get Wild"; they are songs belonging to TM Revolution. I do, however, own my brain. I think.

**Author Notes:** Originally this story was a St. Valentine's Day 2002 special. Needless to say... it wasn't ever completed on time.

**Chapter 1 – Get Wild**

He never wanted to be anyone special. A sad, wide-eyed child of sorrow, Zelgadis Graywords saw the world as a heartbreakingly cruel joke and he vowed to become lost in the natural order of things. A wisp of cloud, a shadow in the forest, a breath of air: these things Zelgadis admired for their ability to pass unnoticed by the naked eye. It seemed, to his small, naïve mind, that people who stood out like sore thumbs always got the worst breaks. Thus, Zelgadis's determination to fade into the background of life.

This, of course, was not to be. Fate is a vindictive bitch and authors often even more so. His destiny preordained, Zelgadis was chosen to receive a most auspicious gift indeed.

Some people say that paybacks are hell. In this case… well, I'll let you decide.

It started as a normal day, as most stories often do. Zelgadis dragged himself out of bed, cursed up a storm at his empty coffee canister, and stormed out of his modest apartment with a fistful of cash and an irritable look on his face.

"Good morning, Zelgadis!" the elderly Mrs. Olley exclaimed as she opened her apartment door and saw the young man stomp his way down the hall. A scrawny tabby cat raced out from behind Mrs. Olley's feet and made a run for the elevator. Zelgadis made no reply, but did have the courtesy to kick the fleeing feline away from the elevator as the doors slid shut. Well, as courteous as kicking a cat can be, anyway…

"Hmm… Must be out of coffee again," Mrs. Olley murmured. She chuckled to herself and closed her own door, locking out the misfortunate tabby.

Outside, the morning sun burned away the hazy fog, casting shimmering beams of light every which way. People greeted each other with hearty hellos and smiles. Businesses opened up for the day. Children frolicked in the parks and darted throughout the growing crowds of people on the sidewalks. Everyone seemed to be in a particularly congenial mood.

That is, everyone except Zelgadis. No coffee to him was like no air to most people. You must understand, Zelgadis didn't care for many things in life. He had no strong opinions about anything, and he honestly had no interest in the goings-on of other peoples lives. His one true passion, however, was coffee. So when he was denied his coffee, he was denied life. Not that he cared much for his…

Zelgadis didn't have many friends… well, basically no friends. The closest he had to an acquaintance was Leroy, the boy who worked the 5-10 AM shift at Starbucks. Leroy had been serving coffee to the surly Zelgadis for the past three years.

This morning was no different. As Zelgadis flung open the door to Starbucks and charged up to the counter, Leroy quickly finished his previous order and met Zelgadis with a smile.

"Mornin', Zel!" Leroy exclaimed. "Same as usual?"

"Yeah," Zelgadis grunted in reply. He slammed his fistful of money onto the counter and watched the teenager fill a cup with steaming, hopefully scalding black liquid.

"So, what's new with you?" Leroy chatted, trying to be friendly, as he was wont to do.

"Nothing."

"Me, I just got a new car last week. Like a piece of heaven."

"Hm."

"Still haven't found that special someone, have you?" This elicited a glare fierce enough to kill most small mammals. "Sorry, sorry. Touchy subject, I know."

"Coffee?" Zelgadis demanded impatiently as he held out his hand, waiting for Leroy give him the cup.

"Right, sorry." Leroy did as asked, rang up the purchases, and handed back the change. "Well, enjoy your coffee."

"Thanks." Manners weren't totally lost on Zelgadis, it seems.

The coffee did wonders for Zelgadis's frame of mind. After draining the last drop into his caffeine-deprived mouth, the world seemed slightly brighter. He could actually appreciate the beautiful weather and the adorable children running amok on the streets. He grinned as a particularly unruly little boy ran screaming into a crowd of little girls, causing them to shriek and scatter.

"Oh!" a woman exclaimed as she bumped into Zelgadis, sending her armload of papers to the pavement. "Sorry, I should've looked where I was going…"

"No, that's all right. Sorry I was in your way." Zelgadis knelt to help the lady gather her papers. When he had collected a substantial amount, he lifted his head and felt his jaw drop in awe.

The woman was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. Cascading waterfalls of glossy blonde hair framed a pale, flawless face. Eyes lay hidden behind a curtain of bangs. Dressed in a chic business outfit, the woman looked like an angel slumming with commoners.

"I…" Zelgadis stammered as the woman flashed a brilliant smile and tugged the papers out of Zelgadis's tightly clenched hands.

"Thanks for your help," she said, stood up, and walked away. Zelgadis was left to stare after her retreating back.

And, of course, this was not meant to be the last unusual occurrence of the day.

Zelgadis's first real notion that things were not as they should be was when an odd tingling feeling began in his midsection. It wasn't a painful sensation, just slightly weird. Thinking he was coming down with the flu, perhaps, Zelgadis turned down a side street and headed for the corner drugstore.

He only made it three steps before the wave hit.

Not a wave of water, or smell, or anything remotely normal. No, this wave was entirely composed of humans. Female humans. Female humans with fervid expressions on their faces and voices reaching abominable decibels.

"OHMIGAWSH! THERE HE IS!"

"SOMEONE GRAB HIM, QUICK!"

"DON'T TOUCH HIM, HE'S MINE!"  
"BACK OFF, HARLOT!"

"SLUT!"

"WHORE!"

"AAAH! THERE HE GOES!" This, of course, was screamed as Zelgadis high-tailed it back to his apartment.

"AFTER HIM!"

Thus, the chase began.

To any passersby, the sight was a ridiculous but highly entertaining spectacle. Picture this: A young, terror-stricken man with eyes the size of saucers and a grimace wide enough to be comical, sprinting down the sidewalk at Olympic runner speeds, mumbling obscenities through tightly gritted teeth. Followed shortly after him was the mass of women, ranging from preteens all the way to elderly ladies, each with fanatical grins and grasping hands. Women exiting shops and homes seemed to pick up the passion of the crowd and, discarding whatever plans they had for the day, joined the throng of enthused pursuers. A few of the women waved pieces of a raggedly torn shirt in the air, holding it as a banner and hollering as they ran.

Oh, did I mention that the young man was shirtless at this point in time?

Meanwhile, a billion thoughts raced through Zelgadis's mind, mainly ones like _Why the #&ing hell are these women chasing me! _and _What the !&#$ is going on!_ It did not occur to him, however, to notice that all the men in the area simply watched the spectacle with green envy and ANY woman within sighting distance immediately joined the group chasing him. Why such limitations existed was beyond Zelgadis's current thinking capabilities. Instead, he focused solely on getting home and avoiding any women who appeared in front of him.

Upon reaching his apartment building, Zelgadis took the steps three at a time, not bothering to wait for the elevator. Odds were, if he were to take the elevator, the women taking the stairs would reach the top before he did. Lucky for him, the crowd was so large that the women had a hard time getting onto the staircase. The bickering and squabbling could be heard like resounding thunder in Zelgadis's ears.

On his floor, Zelgadis raced for his front door, whiping out his key in preparation. He didn't notice Mrs. Olley's tabby cat lying in the middle of the hallway until it was too late. By then, Zelgadis was pitching forward, arms pinwheeling. He crashed into his door and fell in an ungraceful heap in front of it.

"Shiiiiit," he moaned, wincing as he fingered the sore spot on his forehead. The tabby cat sidled up to Zelgadis, mewed, crawled on top of him, and lay back down. "I hate you. I have always hated you. What the #& are you doing out here anyway?" The cat didn't respond. Zelgadis clambered to his feet (effectively moving the cat) and opened his apartment door. The sounds of shouting and girlish screams from the stairwell caused Zelgadis to slam the door shut behind him with startling ferocity, narrowly missing the tabby cat's tail as it sauntered into the apartment.

"…" Zelgadis wasn't even sure what to say. His breathing was shallow and shaky as he locked the door and slammed a bolt into place. The day was turning out to be much more eventful than he wanted it to be.

Zelgadis plopped down on the living room couch and ran a hand through his silky black hair, staring up at the ceiling as if it could provide the answers he sought. Instead, he found himself counting the tiny plaster bumps. Not really a mind-bending activity, but it did keep his thoughts away from what was happening out in the hall.

The women pounded furiously on his door. There were not many distinct sounds: too many people were professing their love for all of them to be heard clearly. At one point, the sound of a drill caused Zelgadis's blood to freeze and his heart to stop. Lucky for him, the landlord appeared on the scene and tried to settle things down. Unluckily, however, the most the landlord could do was convince the ladies to not destroy any property and rely on their own "female wiles", whatever the hell that meant. Things quieted down after that, although the growing pile of love letters shoved under his door made it very difficult to maneuver through his front hallway.

And so this was how life was for many days, even weeks. Every time he went outside his apartment, Zelgadis was bombarded by women and their plethora of confessions of love. Zelgadis was forced to resort to calling the local grocery and having a male employee deliver groceries once a week. He couldn't even visit Starbucks, although occasionally Leroy sent a latte or cup of coffee with the groceries. After all, what were friends for? Zelgadis also had to disconnect his phone line, because somehow one of the women had found his number and had distributed it to most of the others. It was frightening how devious women could be.

And that, my friends, is the beginning of this story.


	2. High Pressure

**Title: **Light My Fire

**Author:** Yugure

**Genre: **Humor/Romance – Z/L

**Rated:** **PG-13**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Slayers or the characters. I don't own the song "Light My Fire" or "High Pressure"; they are songs belonging to TM Revolution. I do, however, own my brain. I think.

**Author Notes:** Lina and Zelgadis have slightly differing physical traits here than they do in canon. Hopefully nothing too traumatizing for you...

Chapter 2 – High Pressure 

Monday. It was Monday; not a day Zelgadis particularly liked. Especially after the "incident". Unfortunately, Zelgadis had no control over time, and Monday came like it always eventually did. It had been a month since the "incident", and Zelgadis had not stepped one foot outside of his apartment. But today… today was going to be different.

Today, Zelgadis was going to face his fears and leave.

Oh, sure, he had much trepidation. It took him at least an hour just to convince himself that he needed to do it. It took another hour to decide it had to be today. After finding absolutely no coffee anywhere in his kitchen, his mind was made up: He HAD to do it.

Zelgadis shrugged into an oversize coat and pulled a baseball cap over his beautiful black hair. Adding a pair of shades and grabbing his wallet, Zelgadis was ready to go. He looked over at the tabby cat lying on his couch. The tabby had also been stuck in the apartment for four weeks. Zelgadis really was not a fan of cats, but because he was terrified at the thought of opening his door AND seeing Mrs. Olley (who, as you should already have guessed, was a woman not quite past her prime…), he had to put up with the sulky feline.

"Well, Cat, here I go," he muttered, addressing the tabby with his surrogate name. The cat simply rolled over into a shaft of sunlight. Zelgadis took a deep breath, closed his hand on the doorknob, and yanked the door open.

Nothing awaited him.

Zelgadis peered into the hallway, scouting the area for any lurkers. This had happened before. During the first few days of being a prisoner in his own apartment, Zelgadis tried to leave a couple times. Using the stairs, he never made it past the next floor. The time he tried the elevator, he was met by an insanely large group of women in the lobby. Trust me when I say you don't want the details of that particular encounter.

"The coast is clear…" he whispered to himself. He closed his door behind him quietly and kept the keys in his hand in case he needed to make a quick retreat. Surreptitiously, Zelgadis crept down the hallway. He frequently spun on his heels, jumping at any sound that reached his ears. Maybe, just maybe, he'd make it this time. The elevators beckoned him on as they sat peacefully at the end of the corridor.

"Hey, you!"

The female voice seemed so loud and close in the quiet hallway Zelgadis felt his heart literally stop for a few moments. Whirling around and bringing up his hands in defense, Zelgadis fell down and backed himself up until he hit the wall.

"Please have mercy!" he said. "I'm too young to die!"

"… What the hell is your problem?" The speaker's voice oozed with disdain. Zelgadis peered up from beneath the brim of his baseball cap as a slender female crouched down in front of him. He cringed in fear. "I'm not going to kill you, for goodness' sake. I need your help."

"My… what?" Zelgadis stammered. He stared into the girl's narrowed jade eyes and watched as she absently brushed a strand of bright red hair off her face.

"Your help. You know, like I have a problem and I need someone to fix it for me? The landlord isn't in right now and my washer and dryer are giving me hell. Do you think you could come take a look at it?" the girl asked.

"… "

"You do live here, don't you?"

"… Yes…"

"So you know how these damn things work, right? I'm new here. I just moved in yesterday. I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"… You're not going to attack me?" At this, the girl's eyes widened and her eyebrows lifted.

"No, why would I do that?"

"You don't find me incredibly attractive?"

"Whoa now. Get off your high horse there, buster. What makes you think I even remotely care about you? Are you an egomaniac or what?"

"No, I just… you're sure you're not attracted to me? You're not just trying to get me into your apartment so you can jump my bones?"

The girl immediately stood up. Her face was a mask of disgust as she backed away.

"What kind of sick freak are you? Ugh, this is what I get for buying a place on the Upper West side. And here I thought the Lower East was the loser magnet…" She abruptly turned on her heels and marched off down the hallway. Stunned, Zelgadis hastily got to his feet and followed her.

"Wait, hold up! I didn't mean that-"

"Don't talk to me!"

"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I've had a very bad couple of weeks; you wouldn't believe the crap I've been through-"

"I don't care about your personal problems! Go crawl back in the hole you came from!"

Zelgadis grabbed the girl's slender wrist. In hindsight, Zelgadis saw this as a big mistake. It surprised him how much strength the small female had. Talk about appearances being deceiving…

In a flash, the girl had Zelgadis flipped over her shoulder and writhing on the ground. She got down on her knees and planted each of her hands on either side of Zelgadis's head.

"Don't. Ever. Touch me," she snarled. Zelgadis shrunk under her vicious glare.

"I'm really, really sorry," he replied meekly. "I can help you. Really. And I'm not a sick freak, either."

The two people stared at each other for several moments, Zelgadis hardly daring to breathe. The cynical face above his disappeared and was replaced by a hand. Zelgadis blinked. The girl sighed deeply.

"It's not going to bite, I swear," she said. Zelgadis, feeling sheepish, took her hand and allowed himself to be helped up.

"You sure are strong," Zelgadis said dumbly once upright. Lina smiled and led the way to her apartment.

"Yeah, four forms of martial arts will do that to a person," she replied. "So, what's your name?"

"Zelgadis Graywords. I live down at the end of the hallway. And you?"

"Lina Inverse. And this – " Lina pushed open her apartment door and stepped aside. " – is my humble abode."

The apartment layout was almost identical to Zelgadis's, the only major difference being the piles upon piles of boxes overflowing with junk.

"As I said before, I just moved in yesterday. Pardon the mess…" Lina apologized. She hopped over a particularly large box of dishes and beckoned Zelgadis to follow her. "The washer and dryer were working fine last night, but this morning, when I tried to do another load, it just wouldn't work. I tried everything. If you can fix it, I'd be really grateful."

Zelgadis sat down on the floor and wiggled his way behind the heavy machinery. As he tinkered with the various cords and knobs, he thought about the strange girl. He couldn't figure out what was going on. Maybe his curse was gone, and he could once again wander the streets in relative safety. Get back to some sort of a normal life. Maybe even find a girlfriend who wasn't attracted to him by a bizarre and sick twist of fate. Like Lina, even…. This train of thought came unbidden in Zelgadis's head, and he blushed a fierce scarlet.

"What's wrong?" Lina asked. Zelgadis looked up to see Lina peering down at him from over the top of the washer, her soulful eyes blinking in curiosity.

"Wha…?" he stammered.

"Your face is all red. It's not too hot in here, is it?"

"No… um, no. That's not it." Before Lina could inquire further, Zelgadis slid out from behind the washer and dryer and stood up. "Okay, I think I fixed the problem. Try it now." He watched as Lina twisted the dial on the washer and the dryer, and heard both rumble to a start.

"Hey, thanks." Lina put her hands on her hips and stood in silence for a moment, contemplating the quiet machines. She flashed a brilliant smile at Zelgadis and exited the room, calling behind her "Want a cup of coffee or something?"

Coffee. The magic word. Or more precisely, Zelgadis's magic word. It was as if a button had been pushed inside him; a button marked "Press here for instant friendship."

"I'd love a cup of coffee, thank you." Zelgadis followed Lina, both picking their way carefully through the cluttered hallway. In the kitchen, Lina poured steaming hot liquid into two mugs and handed one to Zelgadis.

"I just made it a short while ago. Should still be good," Lina said. Zelgadis nodded and smiled in content. "And… uh… I'm sorry about going Amazoness on your ass back out there. It's a reflex."

"You don't have to apologize. The last few weeks have been Hell on earth for me."

"Why is that?"

"Well…" Zelgadis hesitated. He didn't want to ruin this moment. Him, a cup of coffee, and a pretty girl who wasn't trying to jump his bones: This was an extremely rare occurrence. Odds were, because Fate seemed to hate his mortal plebian guts, if he mentioned his predicament, it would break the curse's temporary suspension and Lina would be all over him like ants on spilled soda pop. Then again, he needed to test whether or not the curse was gone. So what was the harm, really? If he needed to book it… Zelgadis glanced at the boxes blocking his way. Okay, so maybe he wouldn't be able to get out, quick like a bunny. But surely he could defend himself against one girl, right?

Right?

"Hello? Zelgadis? Anyone home?"

"Oh, sorry." Zelgadis gulped his coffee and reveled in the way it burned down his throat. "The thing is, a week or so ago, I was walking home from the Starbucks, minding my own business, and suddenly all these… these WOMEN were chasing me. I don't know why, but they were. I barely made it home. For the past couple weeks, I haven't even been able to leave my apartment, on account of these ladies. Today I thought the coast was clear. I reacted like I did when I saw you, because you're the first girl I've met in the last couple weeks that hasn't been insanely… well, crazy about me."

"Really." Lina's face belied the sympathetic tone of her voice.

"You don't believe me, do you?"

"To be blunt, no. It sounds to me like you've got an Adonis complex or something."

"I swear I don't! But I wonder why you haven't reacted like all the other girls." Zelgadis slid into a reflective mood, and not paying any attention to the growing look of discomfort on Lina's face, said, "Unless you're not heterosexual, or a girl, or even a human…"

"What!" KA-BAM! Lina slammed her coffee mug on the countertop, narrowly missing Zelgadis's hand as he flinched from the outburst. "I kindly suggest that you do not say those things about me, or I will be forced to rearrange your anatomy."

Deciding that would, indeed, be a painful fate, Zelgadis nodded and tactfully said no more.

The door swung open, and a pretty lady's face appeared around the largest stack of boxes. Gorgeous green eyes framed by raven black hair were lit with a smile that seemed to glow like a 100-watt light bulb.

"Lina, I see you're not quite finished moving in! I just came by to see if you needed…"

"Hey Sylphiel. Thanks, but I'm taking a break right now. Oh, I'd like you to meet Zelgadis Graywords. He lives-"

Zelgadis didn't even hear the rest of Lina's introduction. He was focused on the girl who suddenly had a huntress look in her eyes. A painfully familiar look, unfortunately. Zelgadis barely had time to mutter an expletive as the Sylphiel dove across the room and latched on to Zelgadis.

"OHMIGAWSH! How did you catch him!" she shrieked as she pawed at Zelgadis's shirt, successfully removing more buttons than was necessary. "Take me, TAKE ME!"

"…" Dumbfounded, Lina simply watched as Zelgadis fought with Sylphiel, pushing her away, only to have her come right back.

"Lina, do something for heaven's sake! She's YOUR friend!" Zelgadis yelled. Sylphiel was near tears in her euphoria. Lina snapped out of it and managed to drag her friend away.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Sylph!" Lina demanded. Sylphiel continued to stretch her arms towards Zelgadis, but fortunately, Lina was strong enough to hold her back. "You're the least hormonal person I know! What about Gourry?"

"Gourry who! I want this guy!" Sylphiel shrieked.

"You better leave," Lina growled at Zelgadis. Not that she was mad at him, of course. It was simply a shock to see her normally serene friend acting like a lovestruck fangirl.

"Good idea," Zelgadis muttered in return. "Thanks for the coffee."

He let himself out.

A half and hour later, someone banged loudly on the front door. Zelgadis, curled up on the couch with a good book and Cat lying on his stomach and purring, sighed and detached the languid feline and walked to the door.

"Who is it?" he asked.

"It's me. Let me in." Me, apparently, was Lina. Zelgadis opened the door. Lina barged right in, stalked to the couch, and plopped down on it. She folded her arms across her chest and stared up at him. "We need to talk, Zelgadis."


	3. Spicy Essence

**Title: **Light My Fire

**Author:** Yugure

**Genre: **Humor/Romance – Z/L

**Rated:** **PG-13**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Slayers or the characters. I don't own the song "Light My Fire" by TM Revolution or "Spicy Essence" by Masami Okui.

**Author Notes:** Due to the, ahem, "delicate" requests of some readers, here's the next chapter in Light My Fire. :) I had no idea this story was that good. Thanks for the kick in the butt to keep writing it. I know it's short, but it's all I can do right now while I figure out where I want the story to go.

**Chapter 3 – Spicy Essence**

The clock on the wall ticked away the seconds with audible clicks. Zelgadis fidgeted and averted his gaze from Lina, whose gaze bore down on him like a semi on the freeway.

"Well?" Lina prompted, dragging Cat over to lie on her lap. The feline looked miffed for a moment, considered biting off a finger, but gave in to the gentle rubbing around its ears.

"What else is there to say? You didn't believe me when I told you a half-hour ago," Zelgadis mumbled, jamming his hands deep into his pockets. He turned to stare out the window.

"After the way Sylphiel acted, I'll believe almost anything. You don't know her, so you don't know that she's the most modest, humble person I've ever met."

"And if I told you that for the past couple of weeks I've been the object of every woman's desires, what would you say?" Zelgadis didn't bother to face Lina. For one, Lina was the sort of person that her words and tone of voice pretty much gave away all her thoughts, and for another, he didn't want to see the look of painful disbelief. Again.

"Under any other circumstances, I would say 'Go to hell, you pompous bastard,' but now… well, I still say you're a pompous bastard, but I'm willing to hear your explanation." Lina's voice hinted at concealed skepticism and curiosity.

"Gee, thanks for your vote of confidence," Zelgadis replied. He sighed. "Look, I don't know what happened. I was walking home, I ran into some lady and knocked down her papers, I helped her, and I walked away. I rounded the corner and I was mobbed. Simple as that."

"What I don't get is, if every other girl is after you, why am I not completely crazy for you?" Lina had a sudden flashback to when Zelgadis first told her his problem. "And yes, I'm a girl, and heterosexual, and a human," she snapped, before Zelgadis could even open his mouth to reply. "Have you seen a doctor yet? Or even a psychiatrist?"

"No," Zelgadis said sullenly. "I haven't been able to leave the apartment for that long."

"You're kidding."  
"No, I'm not. Haven't we been through this? If you really didn't believe me, you wouldn't be here."

"Okay, sorry. You're right. But I think you should see a doctor or something. Maybe…" Lina snapped her fingers absentmindedly. "Maybe you're body is producing too many hormones, or you're releasing pheromones."

"Maybe…" Zelgadis did not sound convinced.

"Well, was there anything extremely out of the ordinary that happened that day, before the 'incident'?" Lina pressed further.

"Not really. Went and got coffee like I normally do when I'm out…" Zelgadis's mind kept flashing by the dazzling woman on the street. "The woman I ran into, she was really… different. Something about her was unlike anything I'd ever seen or felt before…"

"Eww… guy emotions," Lina snorted. "This chick can't possibly be as hot as you think she is…"

"No, it's not that. There was something… something different than that, even. She was beautiful, yes, but… I don't know."

"So are you implying this chick has supernatural powers that somehow made you hot shit - no, excuse me, THE Hot Shit - and now every woman (with myself being the exception) in a 5 mile radius wants to get into your pants?"

"Basically, yeah."

"If I hadn't seen your chick magnetism in action I would say you're the most egotistical guy I've ever met, and that's including my last boyfriend." Lina rolled her eyes. "I kid you not, he slept with a mirror propped on his nightstand so the first thing he'd see in the morning was himself."

Zelgadis guiltily thought of the small mirror on his own nightstand, into which he looked, every morning as soon as he woke, to check for gray hairs or the bald spot he knew would appear any day now. His father went gray early in life, and baldness was inevitable. But surely, his was a much less narcissistic reason, yes?

"Pretty ridiculous, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty ridiculous," Zelgadis replied, voice faint.

"I don't suppose you got a look at any of her papers?" Lina inquired.

"What?"  
"The woman you ran into. Her papers? You said you knocked them down and you helped her get them back. Did you see anything on those papers?"

"Uhhh… not that I remember… let me think about that…" Zelgadis wracked his brain, trying to remember anything; any words, pictures, graphs. A vague image of wing and a circle of light came to the forefront of his mind. "Does… a white wing and a circle of gold sound familiar?"

"Vaguely… was there a name by this logo?"

"There must have been… But I didn't read any of the words."

They stared at each other in silence for a while.

"AHA!" Lina jumped. "I know what it is!"

"You do?" Zelgadis asked, incredulous.

"It's a travel agency, I think. It has a stupid name, something like Angel Express or Quick Wings."

"I've never heard of it before…"

"It's new." Lina began pulling on her shoes. "I walked by the office last week and I had to laugh. It was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever seen. They've got these huge ugly angels in the front window and this horrible logo painted on the glass. I think we should go there, just to check it out. Maybe she works there, maybe she's a customer someone will have remembered."

"Well… that's great and all, but I still can't leave the building."

"Oh… Yeah. Forgot about that."

They looked at each other for another long moment, each wracking their brain for a solution. At least, Lina seemed to be thinking about the problem at hand. Zelgadis was thinking of how cute Lina's ears were, and how pretty the color of her hair was, and how well her babydoll tee fit her che-

"Are you staring at my breasts?" Lina suddenly demanded, her gaze sharpening. Zelgadis whipped his head up, mentally willing the blush on his cheeks to go away.

"No," he lied. Lina scoffed.

"You men are all the effin' same," she said. "Just keep your eyes above the neck, buddy, and I won't have to break your arm."

_Better my arm than… something else,_ Zelgadis thought, casting his gaze to the clock on the wall, just to be safe.

"Could we dress you up as a woman, maybe?"

"Are you kidding?" Zelgadis couldn't help looking at Lina again, who, to his horror, looked dead serious.

"Hey, do you have any better ideas?"

"How do we know it has to do with what I look like? I mean… I mean…."

"Look, you don't know what happened to you or how it works. For all you know, maybe it IS how you look that's attracting all the women. I can't explain it, but it's worth a shot."

"…I cannot believe I'm going to let you do this…"


End file.
